Mommy Wars

This is the topic of the book that I am reading for my Sociology of the Family class this week. It's really good. I feel like the author is putting down in words all the thoughts in my head. She says that the "Mommy Wars" as we know it (working vs. stay-at-home moms) is not really where our country needs to place its emphasis. Every mom in each of those situations is simply doing what is best for her family at that point in time, and if we really want to have a discussion about working moms and SAHMs then we need to look at the structure of our workplace.

This is a timely book for me to read because I am nearing graduation with my Master's and contemplating applying to a PhD program. But, I think that I want to be a mom someday, so I often question "is it worth it?" "Can I be a working PhD and the type of mom that I want to be?" "What is the point of going through all that work if I am going to stay home with the chittlins'?" "Do I really want to pay someone else to raise my children?" These are the questions that I ask myself from time to time.

Most often, my feelings are primarily expressed as anger. I am angry that this is a choice I have to make. Angry that these are my only two options. My mother, who always told me that I could do anything, now says that I can't have it all and I will eventually have to choose one or the other. I hear the same thing from other mothers as well, and I know it's true.

Sure, there are some moms who do both, but not entirely. No one, no matter how capable, can fully serve the two greedy institutions of parenthood and the labor market. Reading this book helped me understand just what it is that I'm mad at I guess, or where exactly my anger should be placed. I am mad at the structure of work, that it leaves parents little to no options for caring for their young children. I mean, if we are going to commit 40-45 years to the workforce, can't we get a break for 1-2 years to care for our babies, or our parents when they need us most?

I know this is rambly (is that a word?) and quite possibly incoherent, but its something that I'm struggling with and really trying to understand. I know that He has a plan for me, a plan that might include trying to get my doctorate, being a mommy, both, or neither. Trying to figure out what that plan is is the hard part.

Weakness

Over the weekend we watched the movie "Signs" which just might be one of my favorite (scary) movies ever. I like it because it's not gory or anything but suspenseful and really makes you think. There is one part where Mel Gibson is talking about the 2 kinds of people in the world. 1) the kind that believes in miracles or signs and that someone is looking out for them--these people have hope, and 2) the kind that believes that what they see is all there is and so they must depend only on themselves--these people are filled with fear.

This thought came to me again during our Bible study this week. (We're doing "When Worldviews Collide" by Ergun Caner). Sometimes you hear about Christianity being a "crutch" for weak people, as if we rely on our faith because we can't handle things without it. I thought of the 2 types of people from the movie and realized that I would never want to be a person that doesn't believe in something bigger, because then I would have to rely on myself, and I mess up everyday. I really couldn't handle my life on my own (and truly no one can, some just realize this and others don't); I can't imagine my life without the hope that I have in Christ.

So if my crutch is my sweet Savior, who also happens to be the Creator of the Universe--then I will gladly be called weak. Being weak is so much better than the alternative.